When I was growing up I never could relate to kids. As I got older into my 20's, that didn't change much. Until my sister had her first daughter. Then I wanted one too. And I wanted one right that very minute. Yes, I was married at the time. We weren't exactly the picture-perfect couple and we did have our moments, but I didn't care...I wanted my very own little girl.
She did't come easy. Her father had problems. His little swimmers weren't exactly Olympic champions. So off to the hospital I went to have a device inserted to help those little swimmers get to where they needed to go and do their business. There was nothing wrong with my innards, but his were very questionable. To make a long story short, I had an operation so I could have children. But I only wanted one child. And it had to be a girl. I was given three months for it to happen. And happen it did...at the last possible moment of the last month.
Back then we weren't privy to what sex the child would be. We had to rely on the needle test or some other crazy voodoo way of trying to tell what it would be. I always said it had better be a girl because if I had a boy I would leave him at the hospital. And I wasn't kidding. I didn't think I had it in me to raise a boy. Besides, I wasn't planning on staying with the father.
And so, seven years after she was born, I left him. I walked away from a 3 bedroom brick ranch home that we built and had almost paid off. But that wasn't important to me. I needed to keep my sanity and also feared for my life. For those seven years I walked on eggs. He kept a shotgun in the house and only he knew where the bullets were. Eventually I got up the nerve to leave and in the middle of the night, while he was out drinking, we did just that.
I raised her on my own for the next eight years until the both of us were rescued by the man I am married to now. A saint and a savior. He helped me raise my daughter through the toughest years: the teens. We must have done something right because she turned out absolutely fine.
My little baby girl is no longer little or a baby. But she is the only one I have because that's all I ever wanted. The Lord blessed me in many ways and I am very thankful for that.
She did't come easy. Her father had problems. His little swimmers weren't exactly Olympic champions. So off to the hospital I went to have a device inserted to help those little swimmers get to where they needed to go and do their business. There was nothing wrong with my innards, but his were very questionable. To make a long story short, I had an operation so I could have children. But I only wanted one child. And it had to be a girl. I was given three months for it to happen. And happen it did...at the last possible moment of the last month.
Back then we weren't privy to what sex the child would be. We had to rely on the needle test or some other crazy voodoo way of trying to tell what it would be. I always said it had better be a girl because if I had a boy I would leave him at the hospital. And I wasn't kidding. I didn't think I had it in me to raise a boy. Besides, I wasn't planning on staying with the father.
And so, seven years after she was born, I left him. I walked away from a 3 bedroom brick ranch home that we built and had almost paid off. But that wasn't important to me. I needed to keep my sanity and also feared for my life. For those seven years I walked on eggs. He kept a shotgun in the house and only he knew where the bullets were. Eventually I got up the nerve to leave and in the middle of the night, while he was out drinking, we did just that.
I raised her on my own for the next eight years until the both of us were rescued by the man I am married to now. A saint and a savior. He helped me raise my daughter through the toughest years: the teens. We must have done something right because she turned out absolutely fine.
My little baby girl is no longer little or a baby. But she is the only one I have because that's all I ever wanted. The Lord blessed me in many ways and I am very thankful for that.
2 comments:
I am so glad you found a man you could trust and believe in. You are so lucky.
I had my daughter first. Hadn't planned on a second since my husband seemed like he didn't like the pregnancy. He was the one who suggested another. It was a boy.
I knew nothing about raising a boy, but somehow, with a little help from DH, we managed. Both of my children came out good, just as your daughter. Sometimes we are able to do strange things!
What a story. But it does have a happy ending! What we will do to have a child, eh? I didn't even bother with a marriage. I wanted a baby and I had me one. I was very fortunate it was a girl. Like you, I am not sure a boy would have been the best thing for me. I would have been fine, I am sure - but I LOVE my daughter!
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